Manifesto #5 (Like Mambo #5, But Less Dancing)

Right now, I hate fucking politicians. Today, Bush (who I generally support, except when he has his head up his ass) gave a speech laying out the strategy in Iraq and released a 35 page report detailing the strategy. Immediately, in fact even before the fucking speech was finished, several democrats (who I never support because they always have their heads up their asses) were saying that the strategy outlined by the Pres. was bullshit.

BEFORE THE FUCKING SPEECH WAS FINISHED. How in the holy fuck can you possibly give any credence at all to a person who condemns someone for saying something that they haven't even fucking said yet. This shit just blows my fucking mind. Fuck all of them. Here are some quotes from the dems:

"The status quo is not working and that we need to have a plan that makes us safer and our military stronger and makes Iraq more stable . . ." N. Pelosi (CA)
(No shit? What the fuck do you think Bush was talking about, you stupid bitch?)

"The best way to protect the troops, the best way to stand up for the troops, is to provide the best policy for success in Iraq." Horsefucker J. Kerry (VT)
(I agree. The best policy would be the one to go with. Any comments on what that would be horseface? I can't believe people actually voted for this asshole.)

"Our troops, their families, and the American people deserve a clear strategy with military, economic and political measures to be met in order to successfully complete our mission." H. Reid (NV)
(Strangely enough, Bush's report develops a three pronged strategy for success based on "Security", "Economic" and "Political" tracks. Was this stupid piece of shit even paying attention?)

Not one of those sons of bitches actually said what was wrong with the Bush plan, and those cowardly tofu-snarfing frog-licking finger-pointing french-fried mother fuckers never once offered any ideas of their own.

Of course, I've only briefly looked at the Pres.'s report, but from what I have seen so far, it is so general and propaganda-laden that it doesn't say much either. Thirty five pages of shit that is so general that it could have been developed by damn near any group of college sophomores sitting in their fucking government class. On the other hand, there is no way in hell that Bush could lay out anything more detailed, because then he is just setting himself up for throngs of attacking democrats who miss the forest for the trees.

This is the reason that people don't fucking vote. Because as soon as we take a good, solid public servant and elevate them to the D.C. political scene, they either (1.) get completely forgotten in the crush of assholes who care less about their constituents than their next fucking book deal or (2.) become assholes themselves.

This shit is the reason that I really don't think I'd ever go into upper level politics. If you want to make changes, do it at the state or local level, or just get a shitload of money and buy whatever you want from those federal fuckers who get fat up there in D.fuckingC.

I'll tell you what. Now I understand why people quit recognizing any government above the county level. Most of our county commissioners are half worthless, but at least they aren't corrupt (or at least they aren't smart enough to be corrupt for very long before they get caught). Fuck it. I'm getting my guns and going home.

Tweet Tweet BOOM!

To all of y'all -- Had a great fucking time hunting and seeing you crazy fuckers again. Got to shoot things, start fires, chew, spit, snort and hide a pheasant leg in Pappy's truck. All in all, a good time.


















(From the Left: H.D., me, Snot, Pothead, Captain Idiot, Reth, Lila the Dog)

Some things I learned during the excursion:

1. Potheads get sleepy and have to block. And then show everyone their quail breast.

2. Reth still has one leg shorter than the other.

3. Captain still hasn't learned that it is ok to change spit cups before one is filled completely to the brim.

4. Snot got taller. Fucker. Still makes the same noises when you lock him in a closet, though.

5. Pappy is never wrong. Ever, fucking ever. Fucking ever. Seriously, Case and Allis use exactly the same parts.

6. H.D. has begun unloading guns before pointing them at people. And kissing puppies and making flower necklaces to wear around his head.

(From the Left: Pothead, Snot, H.D., Pappy, me)

My Life in Four Frames

(Click to Enlarge)

Pearls Before Swine is my favorite comic. Probably because the cartoonist used to be a lawyer and then quit to draw little sarcastic animals. I had to post today's comic because it captures how I feel every fucking moment of every day.

100 Things About Me (Part II)

50. I can clean a turkey in under 90 seconds. 49. Doves even quicker. 48. I understand the mechanics of driving from the hood. 47. I know what ADBT stands for. 46. I understand the vital importance of trolling motors. 45. I believe I'll go to heaven, even if I don't go to church. 44. I often root for the bad guy in movies. 43. I hate reality television. 42. I think Lindsay Lohan looked better when she had red hair. 41. I have a bag full of survival gear and other random shit in the back of my blazer, just in case. 40. I like my tattoo, and I want another one. 30. I love Stephen King books. 29. My mom was my first grade teacher. 28. I don't think I was remotely cool until I was 17 or 18 years old. Before that, I was definitely a dork. 27. I'm going to go to my 10-year high school class reunion only because I want to show off. And I don't feel bad about that at all. 26. I think the LOTR trilogy kicked ass. 25. Liberals piss me off. So do conservatives. 24. I was a White Sox fan when they sucked, so I don't want to hear anything about any bandwagons. 23. My favorite color is blue. 22. I don't have a nickname. 21. I'm going to be an uncle in a few weeks, and will call my niece/nephew "little peanut head" until I can think of something else (update: niece born 11/5 -- no nickname established yet). 20. I have no idea why my sister acts the way she does. 19. I know that lemon pepper makes everything better. 18. I don't think it is a real party unless the cops show up. 17. I like it when it's quiet. 18. My favorite new artist is Shooter Jennings. 17. Sometimes, I get a little militant. 16. I should be working right now. 15. I graduated from college Summa Cum Laude and from law school Magna Cum Laude, but my sister used to think I was mentally handicapped. 14. My wife makes good brownies. 13. I'm a pretty fair softball player. 12. My left ear is slightly lower than my right ear, and that really pisses me off. 11. I shook Bo Jackson's hand. 10. My favorite movie is the Big Lebowski (although The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy is a close second -- so long and thanks for all the fish) 9. I dated un-pretty girls because they had good personalities. 8. I stopped doing that. 7. I like fishing, but mostly because of the beer drinking part. 6. I'm am contemplating taking up the guitar. Or archery. 5. I can read your mind. 6. Yes, I can. 7. I rode a bronc in a rodeo. Well, I fell off of one anyway. 6. I'm a proud American. 5. In general, I agree with Meryl Haggard. 4. I know OJ did it. 3. I think that Democrats are going to lose the next election, too, because they suck. 2. I can't stand to leave anything unfinished.

(these blog entries spent alot of time in the draft box)

100 Things About Me (Part I)

100. I'm left handed. 99. I have one younger sister. 98. I want a new pair of boots for Christmas. 97. I've got blue eyes. 96. I was the best man at Pothead's wedding. 95. I have a fern named Vern the Fern. 94. I'm at #94 and already tired of this entry. 93. I could eat bacon for every meal. 92. John Wayne is my favorite actor. 91. I got in a fight with Stone Cold Steve Austin at Rocky Ford Tavern (almost). 90. For one semester of college, I shared a basement room with my brother-in-law. We know way too much about each other now. 89. Seeing H.D. naked permanently burned my retinas. 88. I've been arrested every single time I was handcuffed. 87. I used to work out, but I don't any more. 86. I was in a frat in college. 84. I skipped number 85. 83. I've been listening to a lot of Johnny Cash lately. 82. I know how to plow a field. 81. One of my favorite memories of college is of talking to the cops our yard wearing nothing but a yellow hard hat and a pair of camo shorts and trying to explain that of course we made sure that everyone there was 21 and that if any minors were drinking, they must have brought their beer with them. 80. I had a collie named Ferdi when I was little. 79. After three years of high school football, I decided not to play my senior year. Coincidently, that was the year I grew 3 inches and put on 20 pounds. fuck. 78. I fell out of a second story window when I was 18. That hurt. 77. I really, really want a Browning Cirtori over-and-under 12 gauge. 76. I was this close to going to work for Cargill as an Administrator at one of their feed mills. How much different would things have turned out? 75. I've been an attorney long enought to know that, without a doubt, whoever has the most money will win. 74. I wanted to be an architect when I was younger, but only because everyone told me I was good at math, and that is what people who were good at math were supposed to do. 73. There were 3 boys and 13 girls in my kindergarten class. 72. I only smoke when I drink. 71. I used to have a great voice, but I don't sing much any more, so it is pretty much shot. 70. I went to the emergency room 3 times in one month during 2000. Broken bone (drunk), stitches (soberish), broken bone (sober). 69. I once drove clear the fuck down to SE KS to see a girl, only to get down there and figure out that our views of our relationship were really fucking different. She was really hot, but ultimately not worth it. 68. My favorite TV show is Law & Order. 67. Someday, I think I'd like to quit practicing law and become a college or law school professor. 66. I am wicked smart. 65. I frequently act like a dumbass. 64. I can crack a bull whip. 63. I spent three weeks in Russia when I was a senior in high school. 63. I screen my calls. 62. I have no idea what willis was talkin bout. 61. I had a tri-melelar fracture when I fell while rock climbing in Colorado. That means that the two bones in my lower leg, right where they meet my ankle, broke in three places. 60. To fix the breaks, I got 9 screws, a six inch plate and a staple. 59. I think adding the words "fuck", "son of a bitch" or "shitty" to a sentence makes it more fun. 58. I love Busch Light, but hate microbrew beers. 57. I was in 4-H growing up. 56. I was an FFA god. 55. I truly believe that blue cordoroy jackets are irresistable to skinny blond girls. 54. I got lost all the fucking time when I lived in Ithaca. 53. I dated my wife for 5 years before we got married. That means will have been together for 9 years in December. 52. 9 years. 51. I make great chili.

Why Being A Man Kicks Ass

Because we can have toys like these (click to enlarge):


There are times in life that just going with "normal" is not acceptable for a man. Hence, we do things like weld huge metal shooting stands to the back of our vehicles.






Often, women perceive these modifications as manifestations of our male egos and come up with all kinds of psycho-analytic jargon to describe our behavior.

Truthfully, we do this because it gives us neat places to drink beer.








And a golf cart for Snot.

For all K-State Fans

Tribute to Snyder.

http://streamload.com/KansasStateCat/Tribute.wmv

(thanks to eeds for the link)

Buying that Motherfucker

For the second time in my life, I've hired a lawyer. This time is much better than last time.

Yesterday I hired an attorney to handle all the contracting and process shit on our condo we are trying to buy. I handled that shit in the beginning, but it became clear it was time for the expert to take over. So, now it really looks like we are going to get this place, because the price and everything is taken care of, so only the details are left. I hope this thing works out because condo shopping fucking blows. In any event, details to follow.

Speaking of buying houses and stuff -- Pothead bought a house in Virginia. Pretty sure you all knew that, but wanted to point it out. Surprisingly, he opted for an above-ground dwelling with a standard door rather than a hobbit hole underground with one of those round doors. Word is that he still has furry feet, though.

Not suprisingly, H.D. has moved in with his sister. Of all of us, I always thought Snot would be the first to move in with her, but this was a close second.

Also, and this just doesn't get said enough, yay for Pappy. That colorblind son of a bitch gets a star for helping set up the Thanksgiving hunt.

Oh Fucking Hell

Snyder to coach Wildcats for final time Saturday
ESPN.com news services

Kansas State football coach Bill Snyder, who took over a downtrodden program in 1989 and orchestrated one of the greatest turnarounds in college football history, has told his team he will retire at the end of this football season, ESPN confirmed Monday night.

Don Marso, father of senior defensive tackle Derek Marso, said Snyder told the team after Monday's practice that his 17th season as Wildcats coach would be his last.
"I am told it was a teary-eyed meeting," Marso told ESPN's Joe Schad. "It was understandably emotional."

The Wildcats (4-6, 1-6 Big 12) will not play in a bowl for the second straight year after making a bowl in 11 straight seasons. Their final game of the season is Saturday against Missouri.

Snyder, 66, will best be remembered for taking over a moribund program and leading it to the cusp of a national title. The Wildcats were 1-10 in his first season but improved to 5-6 in 1990 and 7-4 in 1991 before falling back to 5-6 again in 1992. But then came the string of 11 straight seasons to end with a bowl game.

Snyder is 135-68-1 in his 16-plus seasons at Kansas State, but the three-year stretch from the 1997-99 seasons is the pinnacle for what a Kansas State coach has achieved and the example of how the big one got away from one of the winningest programs in college football in the 1990s.
Snyder's 1997 Wildcats were hammered 56-36 by old Big 8 nemesis Nebraska in the fourth game of the season before easily running the table to finish 11-1 and ranked No. 7 in the ESPN/USA Today coaches' poll and No. 8 by AP.

But the 1998 team suffered the most bitter disappointment, cruising into the Big 12 title game undefeated to play double-digit underdog Texas A&M. The Aggies won 36-33 and took away the Wildcats' shot at a national title. Snyder's team capped the disappointment with a 37-34 loss to Purdue in the Alamo Bowl.

The 1999 team came into the Nebraska game 9-0 but left Lincoln with another crushing defeat, 41-15, and a berth in the Holiday Bowl. A 24-20 victory over Washington raised the Wildcats' record to 11-1 and a No. 6 ranking in both polls.

And the Award Goes To . . .

The John Wayne Trophy for Outstanding Blogsmanship has been awarded to Pothead (http://adbt.blogspot.com/) for his blog "Gangsta!". Although competition has been fierce, in this case there was a clear winner. The complete cross-genre jump and pro-Bush elements of the blog moved it to the top of the list, and the following exchange between 50 Cent and Aaron Brown sealed Pothead's victory:

Brown: "Mr. Cent how will this change the course of the Iraq war."
50: "Fuck you, any other questions, bitches"

The award was last held (albeit for a short time) by Pappy (http://bohemianlogic.blogspot.com/) for "New Suit", an entry that showed a deep recognition of his audience, a clear understanding of high [hunting] fashion, and a deeper insight into the reasoning of a clearly tweaked mind.

Notably, this award was initially held by yours truly for the excellent use of de espanol in my "Spanish Speaking Crawdads" and "Eet Es Like Dis" entries. However, clearly the bar has been raised.

Honorable mention: to Eeds (http://www.eeds22.blogspot.com/) for "I hope your fat lying ass catches on FIRE)

Note: The John Wayne Trophy for Outstanding Blogsmanship was established in 1979 and first awarded in 2005. During the 26 years in the interim, nothing happened. The Trophy is awarded for outstanding quotes, thoughts, rants and raves, and is so named in honor of the only man in the history of the universe who could make "Drago?" a memorable and ultimately meaningful quote.

A .357 Smile

It's already been a long week. Thought that a little firearm humor was warranted. (click to enlarge)

Thought for the Weekend.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then, go find someone who life gave vodka, and have a party.


Or, if your friends are like mine, and life gave them Busch Light instead of vodka, throw the lemons at hippies.

Eet es like dis

Hola. Todaes blog weel be written en de espanol. En un effort to educado tus asses, Yo soy going to make mi blog bilingual.

So, eet es like dis. Der es those fuckers who no beleeve I hablo, pero they es wrong. Yo hablo like a motherfucker.

Yesterday, en un mercado, there was dis leetle lonley lime. So, Yo bought eet. Y una bottle of tequila y some cervesas. Because that es what us espanol speaking fuckers do. Then, Yo drank la tequila y cervesas. Then, yo saw un muy bonita chica. Yo did un happy hat dance.

Un end.

__________________________________

Also, my new hunting vest came in the mail yesterday. It is everything I dreamed it would be.