Her-ass-ment awareness training

In an effort to further insulate itself from any potential liability of any kind whatsoever, my company has decided that every single employee will go to "Harassment Awareness Training" to learn how to not harass people. People are so fucking stupid. Are there really people in the world that need someone to tell them that it is not ok to tell an interviewee that you will only hire them if they sleep with you? What water head out there didn't know that it was no ok to slap the new girl on the ass when she walks by and nick name her "sweetietits"?

P.S. Sweetietits is fun to say.

Call in 6 minutes.

I have a conference call to discuss the ever-enthralling world of net tax liabilities and how they should be considered in the case of post-closing indemnification provisions in about 6, now 5 minutes. So this should be fast.

Give me ideas of books to read when I go to Cozumel at the end of the month.

Also, top ten things to shoot with a spear gun while snorkeling:
1. Jaws
2. Tigers.
3. Rocks
4. Sticks
5. Bottom of glass-bottomed boats
6. Beer cans
7. Barracuda
8. Crack-head mermaids
9. Snorkel monkeys
10. Jellyfish. Fucking jellyfish.

I Hope Barry Bonds Gets Hit By A Truck

Last night, Barry Bonds hit home run number 713 to pull within one homer of Babe Ruth's record. He hit the homer in a very unfriendly Philly stadium and a 25-year old guy named Carlos Oliveras caught the ball. Oliveras was one of the very few Bonds fans who showed up at the game, and he sat in the middle of a hostile crowd so he could watch Bonds chase Ruth's record.

After the game, Oliveras got a chance to meet Bonds, and Bonds had a chance to prove that in some small way, he isn't a huge spoiled steroids-injecting piece of shit. Oliveras asked Bonds to sign the baseball he caught.

And that worthless motherfucker said NO!

What a piece of shit. There are classless people in the world, but Bonds has to be at the top of the list.

I hope he gets hit by a truck.

Celebrating Summer

I love summer. Swiming pools, girls in bikinis, sun and M-16 Assault Rifles.















This is a photo from Camp Victory in Iraq. I think this is conclusive proof that even a picture with three girls in bikinis can be improved if one of them is carrying a fully-automatic weapon.