Exception to the Rule

Generally, I hate people that send me those websites and expect me to stop whatever I'm doing and look at them. That isn't really true. I really just hate the people who send me more worthless shit in the e-mail than the porn people.

Anyway, with that as a little background, check out www.overheardintheoffice.com. Anyone who works in a corporate or similarly shitty environment will laugh. And even if you don't work in one of the little cubicle farms, you will have a better understanding of why the rest of us come home at night happy to have just made it through another day without bitch slapping someone.

Some samples from overheardintheoffice:

"Teacher: . . . yeah, they outnumber us thirty to one and we're not allowed to carry stun guns."

"Guy #1: Those lawyers are like rats, they know they suck but do it anyway.
Guy #2: Rats don't know they suck . . ."

"Floor supervisor: To begin, I understand some of you have complaints. First, can anyone tell me exactly what it is we are asking you to do that we are not paying you to do?"

"Co-worker: If you could un-fuck this situation, I'd appreciate it."

"Tech Lead: our requirements are in terms of bells and whistles at this point, not actual business functionality."

"Elderly Boss: I need you to plug in this lamp for me.
Employee: Are you asking me to crawl under your desk?
Elderly Boss: You're the only one who can. You're my monkey."

and finally . . .

"Girl: It said my cookies aren't turned on? What am I supposed to do, pour some milk on myself and show them my tits?"

Smaller Urge

Today is better. I hardly feel the need to set anyone on fire at all.

They should make a Disney movie about me. I'd buy it.

Urge

Without consequenes, I would just beat the shit out of these stupid mother fuckers that have no fucking concept of what the fuck they are doing until they are broken and completely fucking out of my way. Without even pausing. That is just the kind of asshole I am and I don't give a shit. People are pissing me off and I'm pretty much tired of it. I don't need this shit, they can solve their own fucking problems, and I'm fucking done.



And there are no fucking mountain lions in Kansas. Fucking idiots.
















(Motion sensor camera in western KS. That deer is fucked)

Things I've Broken

Pencil lead
Green trucks (both of them)
Window
Left hand
Right hand
Sunglasses
Eyeglasses
Promises
Walnuts
Couple of Sticks
Most of my fingers
My nose
Cell phones
Beer bottles
Ground
Swathers, balers, disks, drills, field cultivators, planters, combines
Silence
Coffee cup
Ankle
Laws
Lamps
Chairs

Office Stuff

Yep. Not getting shit done today. But, if I'm going to be worthless, I might as well post something on this little bloggity blog.

Stuff in my office:

1. John Wayne coffee mug. Too big to actually use for coffee, so I use it to hold pens and stuff. On the inside, it says "talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much". One of my favorite quotes from the Duke.

2. Slinky. Not one of those shitty plastic ones either. One of the good metal ones. And before you make fun of me, you should know that it is impossible for anyone to resist playing with a slinky during a conference call. Partner or associate. Not fucking possible.

3. Foam baseball from the White Sox World Series celebration. I bounce it off the wall a lot late at night. Doesn't help me think or concentrate or anything, but it's more fun than banging my head into the desk.

4. Picture of wife and I in Kansas. All you can see is prairie grass. No houses, cars, telephone wires, etc. It's nice. Also have a wedding picture of wife and I from 4 years ago. People see it and go "oh, when did you get married?" I tell them 4 years ago, and they get that look that screams "what were you, like 12?". Then I hit them with the slinky.

5. Big fucking laser printer. Got tired of walking 20 feet down the hall to the printer or having my secretary print stuff. Not really supposed to have one, but fuck it. I like my printer.

6. Boxes. Lots of fucking boxes filled with diligence. I want to burn them. Burn them with fire.

5. Blackberry. It is in its little home charging. It is mocking me.

4. Lots of verrrrry important looking books and binders and shit. Never even look at them.

3. Intricate rubber band/thumb tack apparatus that keeps my bottom drawer shut. I sort of broke it, and I'm too lazy to get it fixed.

2. Post-Its. Fucking everywhere. Like a happy little yellow snowstorm hit my office. Actually, yellow snow is rarely happy. Scratch that.

1. Picture of all of the guys during the last pheasant hunt in KS. Damn, I need to shoot something.

Shamrocks and Boobs

College was awesome.

On St. Patrick's Day we would go to a couple of classes and then hit the bars at like noon for a full day of drinking green beer. Get drunk, go eat something, big nap, then back to the bar. In fact, if you could find a table at the bar, you didn't even need to go home. Just pass out there. Or in the back of the truck in the parking lot.

Plus, things are just starting to warm up in March back at K-State, so you could start living in shorts and flip-flops. And once the weather hits like 65 degrees, all the chicks feel the need to break out the bikinis, itty-bitty shorts/shirts/skirts, etc. and prove to the world that there is a God and he loves us all.

That is better than Chicago. It's fucking cold here (snowed yesterday), and I have to work and can't go spill green alcohol down the front of my "Titties and Beer" shirt. It's fucking unfair.

And I want a new gun.

It's Been Awhile

I guess it has been about three weeks since I last posted. Work has been really busy, and just when I think that I'm about to catch up, something blows up and it is back to scrambling again. Hopefully, in the next week or so things will get back on track.

P.S. The Chicago River is greener than usual. That is so cool.