The Compound -- Hierarchy of Shit
Compounds need rules. And a clear hierarchy.
How Shit Works:
First 5 Years: You work the Wall. That's fucking it. Since it is a wood wall, there is lots of shit that is going to need to be replaced. By the time you get to the end of the Wall, it will be time to start over.
Years 6-10: You can run the cabless tractors, but only to rake hay and move bales. And you don't get a radio or a seat. Sometimes, you might still have to work the Wall. Any work you do with the cattle is from the ground, you don't get anywhere near the chute, and you definitely have to run the fucking gate when we separate cows and calves.
Years 11-15: Still running only the cabless tractors, but now have a radio (am only) and seat, and you can now also feed cattle. No more working the Wall, and you get to work cattle from a 4-wheeler. Also, you can pull the horse trailer and get to help grease and maintain the cab tractors. No access at all to the combines. You can look at the grain trucks.
Years 16-20: Now you can run the cab tractors, but only plowing terraces and chiseling. If we get busy, you might get to disk, but only over plowed ground that was worked too wet so there are big slap your momma sized slabs you have to drive over. You also get to tell the people working the Wall what to do, which is a pretty big deal, and you can help work cattle from horseback and at the chute. You get to drive the grain trucks to and from the field, but not into town, and you get to fuel and grease the combines.
Years 21-25: You run the combines, and do the disking and some field cultivating. You can watch the drilling and planting, but are not allowed to actually touch the drill or the planter. You drive the grain truck to the elevator, and are allowed minor gawking privileges regarding the hot scale girl. You supervise working the cattle and take them to the sale barn. You can sit on the steps of the house.
Years 26+: Full access to all farm equipment and cattle operation. You have first choice at all field cultivating, and do all of the drilling and planting. After watching it for 5 years, you are really fucking good. Full control, subject only to demi-god's veto, over all people with fewer years in the compound. Also, full gawking privileges regarding the aforementioned hot scale girl. Occasionally, you may be invited to dinner in the house, but you will have to bring all of the beer for the week.
How Shit Works:
First 5 Years: You work the Wall. That's fucking it. Since it is a wood wall, there is lots of shit that is going to need to be replaced. By the time you get to the end of the Wall, it will be time to start over.
Years 6-10: You can run the cabless tractors, but only to rake hay and move bales. And you don't get a radio or a seat. Sometimes, you might still have to work the Wall. Any work you do with the cattle is from the ground, you don't get anywhere near the chute, and you definitely have to run the fucking gate when we separate cows and calves.
Years 11-15: Still running only the cabless tractors, but now have a radio (am only) and seat, and you can now also feed cattle. No more working the Wall, and you get to work cattle from a 4-wheeler. Also, you can pull the horse trailer and get to help grease and maintain the cab tractors. No access at all to the combines. You can look at the grain trucks.
Years 16-20: Now you can run the cab tractors, but only plowing terraces and chiseling. If we get busy, you might get to disk, but only over plowed ground that was worked too wet so there are big slap your momma sized slabs you have to drive over. You also get to tell the people working the Wall what to do, which is a pretty big deal, and you can help work cattle from horseback and at the chute. You get to drive the grain trucks to and from the field, but not into town, and you get to fuel and grease the combines.
Years 21-25: You run the combines, and do the disking and some field cultivating. You can watch the drilling and planting, but are not allowed to actually touch the drill or the planter. You drive the grain truck to the elevator, and are allowed minor gawking privileges regarding the hot scale girl. You supervise working the cattle and take them to the sale barn. You can sit on the steps of the house.
Years 26+: Full access to all farm equipment and cattle operation. You have first choice at all field cultivating, and do all of the drilling and planting. After watching it for 5 years, you are really fucking good. Full control, subject only to demi-god's veto, over all people with fewer years in the compound. Also, full gawking privileges regarding the aforementioned hot scale girl. Occasionally, you may be invited to dinner in the house, but you will have to bring all of the beer for the week.
posted by White Hat Black Hat at 2:30 PM
2 Comments:
Well you don't see him much on the big screen anymore
The kids don't ride along with Roy or Gene
And that ain't really him with all those feathers in his hat
And some frenchman's name embroidered on his jeans
CHORUS
But he's still out there ridin' fences
Still makes his livin' with his rope
As long as there's a sunset he'll keep ridin' for the brand
You just can't see him from the road
Well he never learned to two step hell he barely learned to walk
But he's worn a lot of leather off the tree
He's had one or two good horses that he counts among his friends
He never drew a breath that wasn't free
CHORUS
Well he's tall in the saddle short on the cash
The last to quit the first to buy the beer
Well he's a knight in leather armor still livin' by the code
That's made him what he's been a hundred years
CHORUS
As long as there's a sunset he'll keep ridin' for the brand
You just can't see him from the road
"and you definitely have to run the fucking gate when we separate cows and calves."
I'm sure this isn't nearly as funny to anyone who hasn't had to work the gate with some crazy ass farmer yelling "Don't move!"
I wondered if you boys realized that the compound you've created in your little heads doesn't include any women - or any room for women (no woman wants to join a compound where life is "good" when you can touch a drill) - except the hot scale girl. After even a year in a compound filled with the likes of 1000k, the "hot scale girl" could be freaking Janet Reno.
Post a Comment
<< Home