Helper
This is my helper monkey. He smokes. His name is Zeb, and sometimes he throws poop at cab drivers and tourists. Most of the time, he is fine, but sometimes he gets in trouble and has to go sit in the corner. I can't leave him there too long, though, or he'll start coloring on the walls.
I think that most helper monkeys are suposed to do things like get you beer and fold laundry and stuff, but mine doesn't do any of those things. He will ony get beer for everyone else when he is getting another for himself, and he can't fold laundry without complaining about carpal tunnel in his opposable thumbs.
Overall, he is pretty worthless, but I keep him around because I think its funny when cab drivers get poop thrown at them.
posted by White Hat Black Hat at 10:28 AM
4 Comments:
Does your helper monkey smoke with the same hand he throws poop? Maybe the reason he isn't getting beers like he should is because he is pissed you are making him smoke with poop-covered monkey hands. I suggest baby wipes to keep the helper monkey's hands clean when he smokes. Plus, it will avoid shit covered beer cans.
My favorite things about Zeb, the helper monkey:
1. He developed a gangsta walk after being sent to the penitentury for biting a mailman.
2. Unfortunately, his tail gets in the way of the gangsta walk and he trips a lot.
3. He moons construction workers.
4. He often thinks he's a pirate and walks around with an eye patch saying "Argh." Again, unfortunately, the eye patch screws with his depth perception and he ends up walking into walls.
5. He does backflips to entertian brother during conference calls.
Crap. I meant "penitentiary."
That is all very true. He also has been known to spit chewed up bananna off my balcony.
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