Thursday, September 28, 2006

Comparing

In anticipation of my trip back to K-State for the OSU game October 7th, here are five good memories I have of my undergrad days with descriptions of the parallels I see in my life now as a married corporate lawyer living in the middle of Chicago.

For a more complete list of KSU fun, see my top ten list on this page right here.

1. Living: I shared a 150 sq. foot basement room with a hobbit and then with my brother in law. Beer ran down our door during parties because the kitchen was directly above our room and beer drained toward the middle of the house, instead of outside. My bathroom had cardboard walls with a wire hanger for a t.p. holder and a picture of the November '98 playboy centerfold front and center.

Now, I live in a 1300 sq. foot condo in a good neighborhood in downtown Chicago. I'm on the 19th floor with views of the city and the lake. My counters are granite, my floors are from Italy (for some unknown reason, since they are oak), and both of the bathrooms have actual t.p. holders. No playboy centerfolds anywhere.

Edge: Now.

2. Friends: K-State friends are friends for life. People with nicknames like "Pothead", "Pappy", "Snot" and "Captain". These friends will happily tie you to a chair and put you on the neighbors' porch, but will also hit large white guys with barstools when necessary. I lived with these guys. These friends were all armed.

Now, I have good buddies that I go out with, play poker with and watch sports with. They are all good guys, but I don't think you can really compare that with a group who would shoot someone for you.

Edge: Then

3. Food: In college, we lived on beer, ramen noodles, venison, cheap water-added ham, and beer. (Caveat: unless Lantz went shopping. Then, for the first part of the week, we lived on beer, three bags of Doritos and KFC and went hungry the other six days of the week)

Now, we eat better. When we do eat venison, it is because I feel like it, and not because Reth didn't put in his grocery money so Pappy refused to go shopping.

Edge: Now

4. Entertainment: At K-State, we lived everyday knowing that at anytime, anywhere, some drunk girl might show you her tits.

Now, I live everyday knowing that at anytime, anywhere, a drunk girl might remind me that when I graduated from college, she was 15.

Edge: Then

5. Shots Fired: Between The Fall of '97 and the Spring of 2001, I went hunting for everything, during every season, in all kinds of weather, with enough guns to take out an Al Quada training camp. I got arrested doing this.

Now, I have to plan for months in order to make it back to go pheasant hunting, and I haven't shot a deer in 5 years. I have not been arrested doing this.

Edge: Tie.

Evidently, some things are better and some aren't, but overall, my quality of life is pretty much the same.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

In the News Today

Paris Hilton Charged with DUI in California

Her blood-alcohol content was .08. She was at the limit. Was it really the best use of taxpayers' money to start this media shit storm over someone being at the limit? Also, is this is the best that the media/over-zealous cops could get on her? That's it. I'm officially starting the "Paris in '08" campaign.

Best Company's for Working Moms Listed

IBM offers new mothers the option to take up to 144 weeks of leave. How in the holy fuck does that work? Seriously, do you just leave and be like "hey, guys, see you in 2009"? At least it isn't a technology company or anything where stuff changes all the time.

(p.s. I want my 2 1/2 years of leave, too)

Three Year Old Buys Pink Convertable on the Internet

His mother is a fucking idiot and should not be allowed to have children.

Tall Women More Likely to Have Twins

. . . but less likely to win an olympic gold medal in gymnastics or date Pappy.

Fastow Gets Six Years

I want this man as my company's CEO. Sure, he helped set up Enron for the fall of the century. On the other hand, he agreed to TEN years as part of a plea bargain with prosecuters. Evidently, Judge Ken "as-long-as-you-say-you're-sorry" Hoyt was feeling generous.

Side note: Fastow's wife served a year in federal prison for all of the shit that happened. How many times do you have to take out the trash to make up for that?

Spellings Backs Ideas to Shake Up Colleges

Big Idea Number 1: Create "a massive information system" to help parents and students evaluate colleges. Umm, I think Al Gore already invented the internet.

These are our leaders people. The U.S. Department of Education needs to fire Margie Spellings and hire a group of five fifth-year journalism students to put a bunch of website links on the DOE webpage. There. I just balanced the fucking budget.